December, 2022
If I were to sum up this year, I would use the word strychnine. Here’s the Wikipedia definition below:
“Strychnine 2022 poisoning can be fatal to humans and other animals and can occur by inhalation, swallowing or absorption through eyes or mouth. It produces some of the most dramatic and painful symptoms of any known toxic reaction, making it quite noticeable and a common choice for assassinations and poison attacks.”
I realize this is a skewed perspective of this year as there are many positives that have occurred. The poison comparison is simply my way of sardonically describing the 2022 experience. No matter which way I turned I faced myself in a new way. Either reflected in the collective or just my own observation of myself, I found that I harbored a fair amount of shadow material that needed attention.
The fatality associated with these reflections and observations was the dramatic aspect. Sometimes parts of me that needed to die off insisted on clinging to the last bits of life. My sense of self was regularly shredded until I realized I couldn’t fight or prevent the die off. Other times, parts of me would die almost instantaneously and it felt like losing a limb. Then there were times when I felt like I was being stalked by my higher self. Hiding in the corners of my deepest unknowing, places that not even the unconscious would dare to visit, disparate parts of me were assassinated without my knowledge.
Yes, this year for me was akin to strychnine.
However, I did learn more about myself than I ever thought possible.
Did it make me a better person? Maybe.
I’m not holding on to people who deeply dislike me but stayed around just to make themselves feel better.
I’m not stuffing my feelings when people attempt to blame me for whatever their experiences are.
I’m not staying silent when there is something that I need to say for my own safety and support.
I’m choosing to live (even though I don’t know how to do it) the life I have been gifted rather than regularly looking for an escape.
And I want to learn how to live and enjoy this life even when it is really fucking hard.
