July, 2022

July has been the weirdest month on record for me. I feel like I am straddling two different realities most of the time. There’s this physical reality where the world is changing dramatically on many different levels/timelines and there’s the non-physical reality where things seem to be moving smoothly in more of a flow state. As much as I try to integrate the two, I’m finding that trying doesn’t really work anymore. And Yoda’s advice of “Do or Don’t Do, No try”, doesn’t really work either. So, what now?

The real answer is, I have no idea. I’ve always been of a bit of a present moment type of person. I don’t futurize much mostly because I don’t really know how. It’s not like I’m more this or that than anyone else, I literally don’t know how to plan very far in advance. This probably sounds naïve or lazy to some. It’s what I’ve known of this being that I occupy from a very young age. I’ve been heavily criticized and judged (mostly by myself) for not having this skill and yet no matter how hard I “try” it just doesn’t jive with me.

This is what I’ve noticed about this month. I’m where I am at. That’s it. That’s all I know. I can’t be any other person than me and if I don’t take care of this me, no one else is going to do it. By taking care of me, I have come to the realization (many, many times) that there is a demand of acceptance of who I am and how I am. This doesn’t mean that I don’t want to be the best version of me that I can but I am definitely seeing how I’m me and no one else. Some days this is easier than others. But it is an everyday journey into being with the me that is here. That’s where there is no “try”, I am either choosing to be my own best ally or I am not. This I can “do”. The other stuff of life I learn as I go.