November, 2019
Several years ago, when I was deep in study of Adyashanti’s teachings, he told a story about himself that really stuck with me. One night at a retreat he was leading, he enjoyed a satisfying dinner. Noting his feeling of fullness, a person walked by with a bowl of butterscotch pudding. He loved butterscotch pudding and despite his fullness, he decided to have a bowl himself. After finishing his bowl of pudding, his stomach wailed in discomfort and he spoke to his wife of his pain. Being an acupuncturist, she put a needle in his ear on the stomach meridian to give him relief. In minutes, he was expected on stage for an evening meditation. With a needle in his ear dripping blood, a very upset stomach, and an eager audience waiting, he went on stage. Laughing at himself, he told everyone his condition with a smile on his face. Savoring this human experience was the perfect story for the evening around human folly and how we can leverage our own mistakes to better connect with ourselves.
This has been my experience this month. Starting with the Kincade Fires, I have experienced a great deal of internal folly. And just when I start to take myself all too seriously, I realize, “oh yeah, this is my human experience right now”. As much as there are amazing ways to reset, renew, upgrade, and better our experiences here on earth, there is equally as much wisdom in noticing how amazing each moment is especially in the midst of folly or misstep.
For me, the fall and winter seasons highlight my internal workings in greater detail. I notice the areas in my life where I am out of synch with myself. Where my heart is looking for comfort in words and gestures from others that feel genuine and require nothing but reception from me. With the fires, I was shown this. I did not lose power at my home or office and I experienced next to no smoky air. I sat on my porch as the city got quiet and I let myself breathe in the fresh air. In this way, I felt very full. As the fires passed and the weather cooled, I have noticed that generosity and kindness is everywhere. Even though I tend to spend holidays alone, I can feel the presence of people around me. So much so, it is more of a dance with aloneness that I do with my mind based on external metrics verses what I am truly experiencing internally. Eventually I find my way to leveraging this external evaluation of where I am into an internal assessment. What I have found is that often times what I think is happening is actually the opposite of what is really happening. For example, by external definition spending the holidays alone results in loneliness. But when I check into where I really am internally, I am enjoying the time to reset and be quiet with myself. This is not to say that I do not enjoy the company of others, I definitely do, but at this moment, I am truly enjoying the quiet, alone time. It is soothing to my being on many levels and resets my internal bandwidth to higher levels of awareness and ability to connect with myself and others. This is obviously not the path of everyone but it is a mechanism to play with when your mind starts to take you down a path of evaluation and judgment that doesn’t resonate or feel like it matches what you know of yourself. The experience of loneliness is welcomed in my being as a wayshower of where I really am. In this way, all experiences have an intrinsic value if we can utilize them correctly.
