October, 2021
When something or someone has resonance for me, I pause and explore. And when that resonance sparks recognition in me, I have to hold myself back from falling in love with little discernment. That was my experience following various teachers for the last 25 years. Whether it has been teachers of orthopedics, massage, yoga, Buddhism, philosophy, neo-nihilism, nutrition, education, finance, technology, somatic breath work, spiritualism, shamanism, etc. the list goes on, I have been the quintessential student. There is a point when you have to graduate from taking classes and discover your own abilities and talents. And the path to discovery is not straightforward, often times not supported and criticized by those who are teaching.
Receiving teachings should be the starting point. And that’s it. Nothing more. There is no right or wrong way to learn and discover yourself. There may be more efficient and integrated ways but the days of duality are soon coming to an end and it is challenging (putting it extremely mildly) on some days to watch all the old structures and ways of being disintegrate never to be revived again.
And it’s not only structures that are dismantling. It is also relationships that don’t serve. I have recently had to let go of a familial relationship. It’s not a me verses them issue, it is literally a no resonance issue. Neither of us is resonant with the other. This knowing is miles away from making either of us wrong, bad or unwilling. It is very simply that we don’t share any sort of common resonance except for that we are related by bloodlines. Often times, that is not enough of a connection point to maintain a relationship. And in this case, the relationship was rickety from the start and has become painfully obvious that it can’t continue with any mutual benefit. I definitely regard this person as one of my strongest, most dedicated teachers. I learned my own sense of value, ability, and worth through interactions with her. It’s been treacherous, painful, and brought me to the brink of death many times. But I now know that I can continue to learn through different access points to the awareness within me where I am highly regarded and valued just because I exist.
This is what happens when things compost. It’s a richness of possibility that is being created in the compost heap. It gives off heat, smelly gases and there are times where you don’t want to be anywhere near the compost pile. But if you can tolerate its genius, its process, its wisdom of breaking down, the yummy, nutrient dense soil can be amazing for imminent growth.
